Reprinting with permission, The CityPaper, Baltimore, Sept 19, 2007
We received the below in an e-mail from The Wire co-creator/executive producer/writer David Simon on Labor Day, the Monday after shooting for the show’s fifth and final season concluded the previous Friday. It’s a four-page insert scene the writing staff intimated was coming on the penultimate day of shooting, adding more work to an already packed final production day. According to Simon, rumors of the additional pages started seeping from the production office to the set, instigating some minor grumbling about cramming yet more scenes into a final episode that Simon suggests is already about 50 percent longer than ordinary. But everybody reacted professionally to the schedule changes–assistant directors inquired about what the actors needed, production managers ordered additional film, cast members were told where they needed to be to work on dialogue. And then the pages arrived and as cast and crew read through the scene it slowly became apparent, amid growing laughter, what the pages actually were–a sly thank you from the writing staff to the entire cast and crew responsible for five seasons of one of the finest dramas the small screen has ever seen.
Insert scene: A60-
FOR PRODUCTION, TO FILM 8/31.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM #1/HOMICIDE UNIT – NIGHT
BUNK, MCNULTY sit, worried. A long beat of frustrated silence before MCNULTY leans back in his chair, speaks.
MCNULTY
If they were going to do me, I’d be done already.
BUNK
Now, later. They’re gonna do you.
MCNULTY
I’m not so sure.
BUNK
You really think we need to discuss this some more? Whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen.
MCNULTY
What are you saying?
BUNK
I’m not sure this conversation is going anywhere, Jimmy.
MCNULTY thinks on this, nods.
BUNK
I’m sayin’ this like that song by whatshersame, you know? Whatever the fuck is gonna be is gonna be.
MCNULTY
Doris Day.
BUNK
Say what?
MCNULTY
Doris Day. Que-sera-sera?
BUNK
The fuck are you going on about, motherfucker?
MCNULTY
That’s the song. Que Sera Sera, by Doris Day. Whatever will be will be.
BUNK
The shit that’s clogged up in your fuckin’ head. Amazing.
MCNULTY
You brought up the song, bitch. I’m here trying to figure out whether or not I’m gonna get done and you’re talking in gay-ass clichés.
BUNK
You ain’t goin’ to get done.
MCNULTY
How do you know?
BUNK
How do I know?
MCNULTY
Yeah. Which god came down to Baltimore and gave you the power to see the motherfuckin’ future. This is my life on the line here.
BUNK
Calm the fuck down.
MCNULTY
How can I?
BUNK
Look, you know the rest of the story.
MCNULTY
I do?
BUNK
Motherfucker, they done moved the whole script. And you read to the end of this shit, right?
MCNULTY
I know what it says so far, but all these fucking revisions. They’re up to cherry-colored pages . . .
BUNK
Buff.
MCNULTY
What?
BUNK
Buff pages. Last revision was buff.
MCNULTY
Fuck buff. These pages right here are second white.
BUNK
That’s what I’m sayin’, Jimmy, we’re far along in the process here.
MCNULTY
But they could still revise it more. Like this scene here . . .
BUNK
They ain’t gonna shoot this bitch.
MCNULTY
You sure?
BUNK
Motherfucker, they lookin’ at a seven-and-a-half page day tomorrow already. Simon tries to add this shit to that sked and the crew will bank his white ass.
MCNULTY
I dunno. I think that cocksucker has been asking for impossible shit so long, he just figures . . .
BUNK
He is a motherfucker, but Jimmy, this one would go too far.
MCNULTY
So we’re done?
BUNK
Done. These pages ain’t gonna actually get shot, Jimmy.
MCNULTY
So we’re just talking here.
BUNK
Talkin’ shit about ourselves for ourselves. We a drunkass pair of meta motherfuckers right now.
MCNULTY
I love the way you say shit like that.
BUNK
Well, it’s the script.
MCNULTY
But you make the shit sound good.
BUNK
I do.
MCNULTY
Profane, but poetic.
BUNK
Yeah, fuck.
MCNULTY
Motherfuck.
BUNK
Fuck me.
MCNULTY
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck.
BUNK
Aw fuck.
MCNULTY
Yeah. Fuck, yeah.
On MCNULTY and BUNK, nodding in fucking affirmation of just how fucking good The Wire crew is, just how fucking grateful the writers are, how there is not–we repeat, not–another scene remaining that we could ask you to shoot,
FADE TO:
THE END
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Hi,
I wonder what do you think about “The Wire’s gender problem”: http://feministing.com/2009/11/06/the-wires-gender-problem/
Why oh why can’t a story be about everything, and include every agenda? That would make storytelling so much more fair.
Hi,
I’ve just tweeted it to HBO, but I wanted you to know too. (https://twitter.com/thevesaire/status/402861037801590784)
In Turkey a tv channel (e2 – http://www.e2.tv.tr/ ) has started The Wire recently, but because of the censor, the Turkish subtitles are terrible! Also the channel broadcast it with wrong ratio (16:9). So, I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not to have The Wire in Turkish tvs. I didn’t even mention the expurgated scenes. Because there are a lot of scenes which are cut by the channel.
I don’t know if you can do something about the cencorship because it is a government policy, but at least maybe someone “in charge” can warn them about the ratio.
Brilliant. Can someone reconvene Wendell Pierce and Dominic West for an audio version at least?
I miss all that. I miss the interplay between Bunk and McNulty. I re-watch “The Wire” over and over as comfort food. Currently I’m on my sixth pass through the entire series. Another “Wire” marathon at my house. Don’t stop by if you plan on talking about anything else.
This no lie — I cancelled my subscription to DirecTV after watching “The Wire”. “The Wire” has ruined all other television for me, even many of the shows I used to love. I just cannot be bothered to endure commercial television anymore. I’ll spare all of you the gory details of my rationale for that decision.
Despite all the reasons to love each and every season of the show, I find season five’s depiction of the ritual dismemberment of the ethics of the newspaper business to be the most compelling part of the series. If I ever meet Tom McCarthy I’ll have a hard time choosing whether to shake his hand for “The Visitor” and “Win Win” or smack him upside the head for “being” Scott Templeton.
I envy my friends who are just now getting to see “The Wire” for the first time, thanks to DVDs. I wish I could go back and watch it again for the first time. Repeat viewings are great, but the first time was so special.
I miss this show so much. I pray at least once a week for a new season.
Haha I love it. Actually took it seriously until midway through.
So did the crew. That was the fun part for us.
Show was flawless until I found out it was missing such a gem of a scene! “The shit that’s clogged up in your fuckin’ head.” … Man, that should definitely have taken the place of the Mencken quote at the start of the ep!