Green sheet: Terry McLarney rates the intern

20 Apr
April 20, 2008

Behold the wit and wisdom of Det. Terrence Patrick McLarney, philosopher-king and comic provocateur of the Baltimore Police Department:

Green sheets are the semi-annual performance evaluation forms undertaken for all officers by their direct supervisors.

Halfway through 1988, the year I spent as a police “intern” following one homicide shift, I walked into roll call to find a completed green sheet in my mail box.  My listed duties:  “In-house armchair quarterback.  Kibbitzer.”

It scans poorly so allow me to quote some of the best parts:

“…Intern Simon generally shows up to work though his schedule remains something of a mystery.  He is an avid reader and since he has no actual function or responsibility he has become quite adept at telling the rest of us what is going on around here.”

“Intern Simon never acts as O.I.C. as there are others more qualified.  He has been observed in the company of females on several occasions.  However, the relationship with these women is unclear and his true sexual orientation remains in doubt.”

“Intern Simon has been apprised relative to the department’s alcohol abuse program.”

My favorite year, without question.

5 replies
  1. derek says:

    I have an autographed copy of Homicide, by members of the BPD, including Ed Burns. Is it worth anything?

    Reply
    • David Simon says:

      Don’t know. I got a basement full of them suckers. If you get something for it, send word.

      Reply
      • derek says:

        Looks like I’ll have to read it. I hear it’s pretty good. ;-) Regarding the wire, I have always wondered what Jimmy would end up doing? Serious drink problem, no job, and he is no longer doing what he was born to….Any thoughts?Regarding his alcoholism/addiction/habit do you see him attending AA 12 step programs? Like Bubbles?

        Reply
  2. Molly says:

    I have read Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets several times. I was in the academy more years than I care to remember ago and would watch the series on television every Friday night. They both remind me of some of the best times (people) in my career and how much things have changed since those first days. Thank you for an awesome, timeless book and capturing it all.

    Reply
  3. Alex Torres says:

    Mr. Simon, I love all your work and I think Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets is one of the greatest nonfiction books of all time. I’m a law major and I have recommended your book to law and criminal justice professors, hoping it would be taught in class. I think reading your book will help a great amount of law and criminal justice majors like myself. Too bad those bastards didn’t pay attention to my recommendations. Thank you for all your work and this wonderful website, where I will be spending much of my time.

    Reply

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